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Phil McGraw. Recommended Stories. Celebrity Atlanta Black Star. Atlanta Black Star. The Daily Beast. Celebrity People. See more at IMDbPro. Photos Add photo. Top cast Edit. Alex Self as Self. Jennifer Self as Self. Donna Tetreault Self as Self. Storyline Edit. Jennifer says her old-year son's violent gaming addiction is not only exacerbating his numerous behavior issues, but she fears it may be the catalyst for him becoming the next school shooter; Dr. Add content advisory. Dr Phil does not ask Sonja if it was wrong to throw the laptop against the wall.
He does not call her on her behavior throughout the entire episode. Gotta love that reasoning—never mind the fact that Lawrence had a cut lip and that Sonja admits she instigated the altercation by destroying his property and blocking the doorway when he tried to exit. She even claims that he raped her one night as she slept. Dr Phil does not challenge her on this. Lawrence denies this calmly and matter of fact-ly as opposed to Sonja who becomes indignant on more than one occasion.
Sonja admits to hitting, kicking and punching her husband in the chest, arms and stomach. She claims she is violent towards Lawrence because he is violent towards their children and still Dr Phil says nothing. Yeah, because you teach children that violence is wrong by engaging in more violence. It wobbles the mind. Question: If you were living in fear of your partner, would you strike him, spit in his face, get in his face, chase him into closets and break his property or would you be tiptoeing around him so as not to set him off?
How about you? Lawrence describes how Sonja undermines his parenting. Essentially, Lawrence is frustrated by his wife continuously undermining his parenting and he expresses his frustration by being hard on and physically rough with the kids.
Lawrence becomes frustrated and physically propels his son out of his chair by his shoulder. Lawrence says he feels bad about this and owns that his behavior is wrong.
Dr Phil never asks these questions, however. Dr Phil tells the couple the potential consequences of exposing their children to their ongoing conflict and violence. At , Dr Phil lists the possible consequences of exposing kids to abuse and violence. The girls will be aggressed against and he is likely to become an aggressor. The boy has seen his mother attack his father and his father defend himself against his mother. The girls have seen their mother physically assault their father.
Why is the boy destined to become the aggressor and why are the girls destined to become the victims? Utter poppycock. Way to perpetuate a false stereotype that paints all men as potential abusers, Dr Phil. Let me put some labels on this now. It is domestic violence. It is physical abuse. Mentally, emotionally and physically, it is abuse. Just what you have admitted to is abuse. There is no question about it. She does it—no problem. You are bigger. You are stronger.
Wrong, Dr Phil. It is equally abusive and just as wrong. She corrects him and Dr Phil is condescending toward her, which seems fitting, if not ironic, since the topics are power imbalances and abuse. Sonja seems to want absolute control of her husband and the relationship.
She uses verbal and physical violence and the kids to try to exert her power over her husband. How would Dr Phil define that? Lawrence needs some help and Sonja needs some help. We are at two different levels here. Because of the imbalance of power, what a man does in a relationship to impose his will can be an abuse of power and control. What a woman does in a relationship is a relationship issue.
It is not an abuse issue here. And I want to give you some different coping skills. And you do have that ability with her. Do you get the distinction? Do you agree or disagree, Lawrence? In the above statement, Dr Phil unequivocally states there is a different set of rules for men and women when it comes to abuse. I do agree to a certain extent, but I think what happens is I tend to back down.
Running to the car, sleeping in the car, you know, just trying to get away from the arguments. The car is actually his tool to isolate me. He takes the car numerous times and leaves me with nothing. No, Sonja. The car is where Lawrence goes to escape from you. If he were using the car to isolate you, he would lock you in it and throw away the key.
Dr Phil and Sonja then reveal that Lawrence has a gambling problem scratch tickets and online poker. Lawrence admits that he has a problem, says he uses gambling as an escape from Sonja and as a cry for help that he wants her to hear.
This is duly ignored by both Dr Phil and Sonja, lest we forget who the one and only victim is here. I mean you blame this on her. The only person you control is you. And you have power that you have to manage in a relationship. And if you abuse the power, you abuse the relationship and everybody in it. I am a better man than that. I will not do that.
And you should not settle for that for yourself or for your children. Dr Phil states that abuse in a relationship is an absolute deal-breaker I agree.
He advises Lawrence to not only accept her abuse, but to accept it unquestioningly and unflinchingly. Now, imagine Dr Phil giving the same prescription to Sonja. Wrong, wrong, wrong. If she continues to abuse him and drag the children into it, he needs to rise above it by removing himself and his children from an unhealthy situation instead of sinking into a mutual race to the bottom.
He admits his behavior is wrong. Sonja never really admits her behavior is wrong. She says she wants help.
Sonja just makes excuses for her behavior and takes no responsibility for her own actions and Dr Phil enables her. The twisting of reality and propaganda that Dr Phil perpetrates in this minute episode is staggering. Abuse is wrong. Initiating abuse is wrong and responding to abuse with more abuse is wrong. You both have issues.
You have no right to lay your hands on him in violence nor do you have the right to destroy his property. Quit putting your kids in the middle. Just because Lawrence married you does not mean you own him or have the right to control him. That is an unreasonable expectation. Lawrence, you may need to accept the fact that your wife has control issues and she may not be able to change. You have a right to be an autonomous being. You have a right to equal input on how your children are raised.
You have a right to respect, love and affection. You may need to realize that your wife just wants a submissive lackey even as she grows to resent you for being a submissive lackey. Therefore, continuing to live with a violent woman increases your risk of being incarcerated, whether you retaliate with force or not. You may need to get a good divorce attorney who understands high-conflict cases and sign those divorce papers your wife uses to control you by playing on your fear of abandonment or some unfounded sense of obligation or commitment.
You ARE better than that and you do need to hold yourself to a higher standard because, clearly, no one is going to hold your wife to a higher standard and your kids need at least one healthy, functioning parent. Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE. Dr Tara J. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
I would have been furious to see this kind of ignorance perpetuated. I have a TV, but do not watch Dr Phil. I received 4 separate emails about this show, so decided to check it out. Reading it in black and white, makes it clearer somehow—at least for me. Prime example of an abusive relationship where the abuse seems to go both ways, but she gets to play the victim.
I have never liked Dr. Of course, if it were his wife assaulting him, he may change his tune. Phil says what he says. You hit the nail on the head!! It will be a long,long,long time before these two ever try to upset their stay at home audience.
Once again,the almighty dollar wins out over the health and minds of people. I suspect that it may actually be just that mercantile, although not consciously so and the lack of consciousness probably cuts both ways.
When my older son hits my younger son I do give him a similar lesson. I ask if its worse if he hits me or if I hit him.
Then I ask if I ever, ever hit him. Then we go through why this reasoning applies to his little brother. Phil is basically telling us that scrawny men are OKAY in his book if they beat women. Frankly, not many of them will. They just believe and reason with their feelings — which is basically what Dr. Phil is instructing them in doing, the whole thing is a giant exercise in guided emotional reasoning.
But what is more: they also find it reprehensible that people let her get away with it—especially that men do. I find that encouraging. Men—often in positions of authority like Dr. But these men like Dr. Phil seem to have an unconscious radar that detects women who are offended by their behavior and they keep it completely silent when women are around. Part of the solution is for men to wise up to this and make sure that responsible, adult women are hearing what men say, so that women can turn the shaming around.
Men need to invite this in their personal lives wherever possible to turn the tide. Perhaps Dr. I have to guard against that temptation myself when reading this site.
Actually, I think it is really horrible that his audience eats all this up like a sweet spoon of baby food. I have resisted the idea that this is a majority of them, but I am naive once again. Dr Phil is worthless. I have looked at his show off and on for the past few years and he consistently portrays the male in a relationship gone bad as the chief problem. The double standards that exist in society are enough but he goes on to add insult to injury.
I guess Dr. Phil figures that a man is the bigger and more dominant sex so he should stand there and take the punishment from a psycho wife or girlfriend.
Last week while at work, I was dispatched to the emergency room in reference to a domestic violence assault. Since this crime occurred in another jurisdictin, I did the report and notified the oher agency.
It was treated as no big deal, these things happen from time to time. I would venture to say that had that been a female with the level of injuries that guy had, an unmarked patrol care would hhave been hard to find,.
I have a good 30 lbs on my supervisor…yet, somehow she still wields bullying, abusive power over me. In his eyes, she right. That is such a common situation. Most HR departments end up enabling these types—even when they have a folder full of complaints.
As a front line health care worker you are the expert on what is going on. And yes…Dr Phil is truly worthless. Doctor Phil is a large and imposing pompous ass. Further, if one were to believe the tabloids, he has many problems of his own.
Specifically, he likes da ladies. It compensates quite well for that chrome dome big gut blowhards lack of any measure of style- or attractiveness. The basic premise is that for every women who has dealt with misfortune, there is a male villain at the root of her problems. I would not describe Dr. Phil as a man.
Oprah and Dr. Introducing the concept of female abuse to her personality cult would be anathema. Should women-as-abusers ever gain traction in the mainstream media, Oprah and Dr. Phil will be the last ones to jump on the bandwagon.
What would be really radical is if Oprah were to read real-world testimonials from male victims of abuse on her show, but she reverses the gender references to make it sound like the stories were told by women. The clucking and gasping from her studio audience would be deafening.
Then, just before the credits roll, Oprah reveals the ruse, and that the descriptions of domestic violence came from male victims. The look of stupefaction on the faces of her predominantly female audience would be priceless. Abuse goes both ways. I have seen women abuse men. I have seen the disabled abuse the non-disabled.
I have even seen teenage children abuse their parents. Females have been sex abusers and boys have have been on the receiving end of that. Phil who is supposed to be a licensed psychologist to pedal the boogieman male myth as healthy mentality like a snake-oil salesman offering to cure cancer.
Some men DO abuse women. A woman did it. Catsmith9 I have known 2 woman whose Mother sexually abused them. I am sorry that you got a double whammy. My gripe is that psychologists assume that you will abuse if you were abused. It is prejudicial and unfounded. I have known many people who were sexually abused, psychologically, physically abused and never hurt anybody and were able to handle more than most. She violated your vulnerability which is heinous. Again, I am truly sorry this happened to you.
I would love to sit in a room and chat with Phil regarding what is really going on here. Seriously — can people be so blind? They are appreciative almost overly so of small kindnesses, as they have been emotionally starved for years.
They are on the verge of tears quite often. They feel helpless, and hopeless, they get depressed, and get that lost look in their eyes, not knowing what to do…they become numb sometimes, going through life just trying to make it through the day. They lie cheat and steal, and get pissy when confronted on their behavior. They deny and get in your face when you call them out or clarify expectations that they are to follow the rules.
Phil, with all due respect, take some continuing education classes and throw away your DSM from My Cluster B XGF acted just as you described and played the victim role flawlessly when in front of other people.
This is spot on TGI. I did training and worked at a DV shelter during my MSc program. Ture victims are grateful for any assistance you give them; while the others come off as entitled. Very very true, TGI. Thank goodness another pedestrian came to the rescue. These were isolated attacks, and a normal person has the objectivity to not generalize. And after the first week when the wounds were fresh, I do not even talk about the incidents because no self-respecting woman likes to throw her real or imagined wounds as some claim-checks to pity.
If anything, we become more introspective and try to heal and forget about it. Or find logical explanations — in my case it triggered to read up medical books on sociopaths.
Thankfully I turned and the blow came on my shoulder where I still have a mark to this day. My dad luckily intervened and got the vase out from her hand, as she continued attacking and would have broken my face. She terrorizes her 6 ft.
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